Digesting events on a sub-normal level

There’s one available in Raleigh, NC which apparently will never sell.

Click link + play

Check out this headline:

Saskatchewan premier apologizes for pig-roast flyer with 9/11 photo

I think my work here is done.

Did you hear the one about Marise Myrand?

She’s the 400 pounder Quebecois who was too fat to get from her parking space to her apartment. She asked for her neighbours spot and was promptly rejected sparking a row between them. The situation only gets better: The condo board hilariously accuses her of using her handicap for personal benefit, Myrand reacts with a human rights complaint and lawsuit to the tune of ten grand and the rest writes itself. Guess who wins?  Now we’re primed for an appeal on the basis that the neighbour “is in her 60s and has a dislocated shoulder.”  So its old and frail vs. morbidly obese!

The whole thing smacks of the Seinfeld episode where George is trying to get the apartment from the old guy that survived the shipwreck.

The headline reads:  Man killed by urinating on downed wire after crash

Pimentel says Messenger apparently urinated into a roadside ditch but didn’t see the live wire. The urine stream likely served as a conductor, allowing the electricity to reach his body.

 This guy left quite a legacy with the wrecked car, damaged infrastructure and burned genitals. I’d love to be a fly on the wall at his funeral though!

Yes, we’re giving Asshole of the Week to an entire country this time.  The Russian elite have given new meaning to the phrase “sore loser” in a dazzling array of knee-jerk assholery.

First we have Evgeni “Your not a man unless you land the quad” Plushenko award himself the Platinum medal after he wasn’t satisfied with his designated silver performance.

Then we have Russian media claiming that the Canadian hockey team (the team they lost to) were on drugs in addition to charges of war crimes against Canada. Never mind the fact Russian female hockey players have in fact tested positive for band substances.  And never mind the fact that the next Winter Olympics are neighboring Chechnya of all places.

Sochi 2014 my anus.

This is what happens when your spine implodes under the pressure

It is my distinguished honor to decree college football player Elijah Fields as this weeks Asshole of the Week.

Elijah was kicked off the football team for posting pictures to his twitter account (that are still up) of tens of thousands of dollars in cash with the caption: “Never knew Football was gon get me all this money Sike I Knew haha”

I mean really, “Sike?” You’re making this too easy for me. Try not to blow the money on rims because you won’t see anything like this bouncing a the local titty bar…

Nascar is not a sport.

Check out this guy getting busted for lighting a cigarette off the flame.